Want to be the best parent, positive punishment is the way!

Contributed by Dr. Nishal Pinto, Clinical Psychologist, Columbia Asia Hospital Sarjapur Road

Think of a moment on, how much a person can express themselves through their body language and facial expressions. Imagine, talking to a person with a blank face on! How uninteresting would that conversation be. Body language and facial expressions play a very important role in expressing oneself to another. Especially, if the conversation is between a parent and their children. Body language and children go hand in hand. The behaviour of a parent with their children, matters a lot in the upbringing of the kid.

As a parent, it is very natural to expect the best behaviour from your children. It is also natural to think about the best ways to teach the difference between right and wrong. Even though not all parents accept that punishing them or yelling at them is the best chosen solution. But experts, believe that positive punishments are one of the best methods that parents are advised for them to handle their children and to teach them best behaviour. But, what exactly is positive punishment and how can it effect a child’s growth.

Usually, a punishment is a learning process of correcting an improper behaviour. It is also a consequence faced by the doer in an attempt to correct the committed mistake or an incorrect act. The end result for any given punishment is to eliminate bad behaviour. There are many positive punishment techniques that a parent can use to set their child’s behaviour right. If the negative doer is a minor, then scolding or rolling your eyes round would do. But what if the negative doer has committed some serious mistakes, and yelling, abusing the kid or taking any such negative actions can leave a scar on their mental health permanently.

Positive punishment methods are focused more towards building a deep relationship with your child. In other words, this technique is more focused on building a bond with your child. This also helps in developing the kid into a self-sufficient and well-functioning adult. 

Here are few “parent moves” that you can take to set right your child’s  behaviour:

• Control your temper: Never shout or break things in front of your children. Yelling, beating, roughly handling them will always scare your children, the point of you being angry them will be lost in thin air. Be calm and patient. Voice out the problem in an assertive manner. Make it clear and let them realise that as a parent you are disappointed in them and emotional you are stressed.
• Make it short and crisp: Keep your responses to your child ill behaviour short and to the point. Also, always remember to show that you are unhappy for the present situation. Digging older mistakes will always discourage them from learning the good
• Reward your child for good: If you notice that your child has implemented something goof in them, always reward the kid. This will motivate them, leading to a better behaviour in the future.
• Nothing works better than a comfort touch: Work towards building a bond between yourself and your child. Spend more time with your child. Attend to all their school programs, show them, that as a parent you are always available for your child.
• Take care of your facial expressions: Body language and facial expressions does play a vital role in your child’s life. If your child is reacting negatively to your temper related reactions, then as a parent you have to self-check your body language.
• Listen to the kid: Let your kid speak. Give them the space to express themselves to you. Hear them out, cutting their expression out when young can permanently damage their ability to tell what they feel.
• Do not ignore, if the kid is at fault: The actual positive punishment is when you question your child at the right time in a right way. If you as a parent are sure, that your child is wrong then punish them. Scolding, counselling, involving them in daily house hold chores, extra study time, restrict them from extra activities. All these forms should be established in a way that the kid understands that they are at fault and correct themselves.

No matter how and what your child does, as a parent, you will always expect the best for them. Remember to be consistent with your child. Implement all the right positive punishment tools for the healthy wellbeing of your child.